If CRPS was an animal….. (tee hee)

If CRPS and it’s comorbidities were an animal, it would be big. It would have claws. And it would be dissociated from reality.

The animal doesn’t get a name. That would make it more solid, more ‘real’. It’s an ‘it’, a ‘thingamajig’, a ‘wossname’, a ‘doobree’. Besides, it has a tendency to change and morph over time.

The critter means well, but gets it wrong. A lot! It galumphs around trying to be useful but doesn’t listen properly and never double checks what it’s being told. It just grins in it’s despairingly cross-eyed, boggled brained manner and clatters it’s uncut claws across the shiny floors, totally unaware that it’s leaving huge great marks that we then have to try and smooth out.

Training it is a slow process. It’s not all here and easily distracted. It has a tendency to just keep ‘being’ in a little world of it’s own. Scattering sticky slobber as it skitters about the place.

Living with a huge critter that is dangerously built, but well-meaning in a miss-the-point, thick-as-two-short-planks kinda way is, well, it’s tiring. It’s wearing. Truly exhausting. And with it’s tendency to hiccup and burp it’s flaming breath at the most inopportune moments, no kennel will take it in, not even for a weekend break.

Keeping it’s attention on what you’re trying to say to it is tricky.. one shiny thing in the distance and it’s off again! So it takes constant work to keep grabbing it’s attention, distracting it from the shiny things, endlessly saying “Ooh look what’s that just here? Isn’t it interesting? Isn’t it pretty? Lets keep very still and quiet so we don’t disturb it…”        *sigh*

I’ve had my critter for many years and it’s improved a bit on the stuff I’ve been trying to teach it over a long period. Endless repetition and routine seems to help it develop a different habit, rather than listen to any reasoning I tried. But it develops new bad behaviours if something catches it’s interest, and then I have a new challenge once more. So I’m constantly having to do my research and learn about the incorrect behaviours to figure out ways to put them right, or at least improve them enough to reduce the hiccup and skittering damage!

Becoming a critter handler is… a surprise! It’s not a choice. It’s just something that happens in life to some of us, and they’re so big and unruly that we have to learn fast or flounder in the enthusiastic slobber. Ick! Most of us flounder for a while – going from a life with no critter… to a life with a huge galumphing critter is, er, well, it’s a bit of a shock to say the least. But like any other animal, it’s less about shouting at it, and more about working out how to make it listen and learn. Which is relentlessly hard work in extreme cases like this one, but worth it for the small successes as the gains are actually pretty large.

CRPS critter

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6 thoughts on “If CRPS was an animal….. (tee hee)

  1. Fantastic! I think mine is somewhere between an elephant, a giant python, a dragon and a xenomorph from Alien. Stomps on my spine, squeezes my muscles, breathes it’s fire on my nerves and drips its acid drool on my legs. Still, you can’t let them know they have the upper hand or they’ll be alpha before you know it! Now hand me that cattleprod!

  2. Hilarious! And as usual, you are so much more positive and kind than most of us can manage at the best of times… I know that every person I’ve ever met with this disease, including myself, considers this thing to be a monster… but I’ve never met someone so generous as to consider it a well meaning but misguided and maybe someone “challenged” monster… you are wonderful!

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